Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
