maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
