I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
