Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
