Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
