I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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