her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
