He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
