You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
