In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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