Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We have started to decorate penises.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
