so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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