You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
