It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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