Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
