did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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