How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
