Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
