Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
