You smell like stripper and shame
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
