her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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