My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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