just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
