There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
