sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
