It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
