i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
