i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
