I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
