i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
