ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
