Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
