the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
