I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
