went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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