i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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