her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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