i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
