Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
