I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Houston, we have a squirter
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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