Me. At least after what I've been through.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
