why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
