either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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