Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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