No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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