i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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