omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I got inside last night via doggy door
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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