I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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