i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
