she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
