he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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