There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
