My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize