my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
