so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
