Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you never un-have a 4some
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
