everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
