You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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