we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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