I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
