I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
