I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
