Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
