i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
