I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
