It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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