Who wears a wallet chain?!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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