never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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