Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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