I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
