we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
