i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
