Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
