When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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