Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
