And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize