I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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