went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
