Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize