Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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